No More

Coming in Spring 2008, a documentary by Phil Donahue and Ellen Spiro: Body of War

Watch the video for "No More" written and sung by Eddie Vedder:

Ken Leeeeeee

Just in case you missed it on the radio and spoof tv news shows this week... Enjoy!

Popsicle Jokes!

Tuesday was 4 weeks since I went under the knife....and 4 weeks ago today was the last day of my painkiller-filled first week home. I hadn't had one popsicle by this time....but those things became my best friend shortly thereafter.

As I sat in my bed slowly dissolving the ice in my mouth, I tried to guess the punchline of all the jokes printed on the sticks. I wasn't so good at that.... I saved all the sticks though because the whole recovery has been such hell that I want to look back on as many of the positive highlights as I can....namely the 25 pounds I lost, and the fact that I no longer like salt, pop or chocolate....which are all the things that probably helped me keep those 25 pounds on so easily.

Here are all the cheesy jokes that kept me company and gave me ten seconds of distraction while I was in recovery hell. And yes, I know they are dumb, but imagine how desperate I was for distraction that I actually laughed at these....yeah, it was that bad.

What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A nightmare.

Who granted the monster's wish?
His scary godmother.

What animal should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.

What do you call a trunk full of bison?
A buffa-load.

What did the digital clock say to his mother?
Look ma, no hands!

Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.

What kind of ring did the rabbit buy his girlfriend?
14-carrot gold.

What did the dentist give the marching band?
A tuba toothpaste.

What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk, 99 clunk?
A centipede with a wooden leg.

What time is it when seven hungry lions are chasing you?
Seven after one.

How do you avoid ticks on your pets?
Don't let them wear a watch.

How can you spot a dogwood tree?
By its bark.

Five Years Later...

It's been five years today since America invaded Iraq. I am angry and sad about so many things about this war, I don't know where to start. Angry at President Bush, sad about the loss of lives, sad at the way the media hasn't held anyone accountable, angry that the majority of the American public is so numb to it....the list goes on. I don't have a close friend or family member in Iraq, but I do have a friend whose husband was in Afghanistan....where we should focus our efforts. Lives have been lost on both fronts, and that hurts. It hurts me to know that some dad or brother or aunt or wife is missing a piece of their heart and soul. There have been 487 lives lost in Afghanistan and 3,992 in Iraq....over 4,000 total.

WAR IS WRONG!

Let me say thanks, however, to every soldier here and gone and also the families who have to stay behind and wait by the phone or for an email...or sadly, that knock on the door. I hate this stupid war and I hope every citizen in this country pulls the lever to ending it by voting for the Democratic candidate in November. If you think the economy is the #1 issue, you are uninformed. Our economy will continue to fall the longer we stay in Iraq....the long-term financial impacts are currently estimated at $3 TRILLION. Don't let our grandchildren pay for Bush's ignorance.... And next time you see a soldier, be sure to say THANKS.

Video courtesy of rosie.com.

Song is "Hallelujah." Sung here by KD Lang, original lyrics by Jeff Buckley.

On the Mend

After three weeks of pure hell, I'm finally on the mend! I had my tonsils out on Tuesday, February 19th. After a bitter twenty-year battle with sore throats, strep and tonsillitis, I finally found a doctor to remove them. His take on why I had such a hard time was interesting. He went on to explain that eighty years ago, tonsils were removed as a matter of course, but in the last thirty to fifty years, medicinal advances with antibiotics conditioned physicians to treat the symptoms rather than fixing the cause. However, now everything in medicine is "evidence based." And based on the evidence, he said, "antiobiotics are poison in your body" so more and more doctors are doing the right thing by removing tonsils and adenoids.

So my first week was a painkiller induced breeze. However, they destroyed my stomach. On Sunday the 24th, I had some jello about mid-day. A few hours later I barfed that up along with some stomach acid.....yep, stomach acid. I did it again on Monday right before I went to see my primary doctor. Little did I know what that was about to do to my body... I went to see my primary because I wanted something other than liquid Lortab....I wanted something in pill form. They didn't quite grasp the depth of my problem, and neither did I, so I left with no pills, but my surgeon had sent me a script for some. Thank goodness.... By Wednesday I had developed the most painful canker sores I'd ever experienced in my life. That prevented me from eating or drinking much, and I nearly became dehydrated. Despite me crying on the phone to my surgeon's office during my explanation of what was going on, they did nothing. (More on that later!)

So I went back to my primary doctor on Friday who prescribed me liquid lidocaine to mix with Benedryl and Maalox. Since canker sores are a virus, there's not much you can do.....but what I'm calling the "magic mouth syrup" is working. I ate real food for the first time last Saturday...banana flavored oatmeal. Since then, I've graduated to chicken soup and pudding. My problem with the sores is that salt is murder on them....so I had to find some soft, sweet options. I dilute the chicken soup which helps.

During the course of my stay, I've emailed friends and family to keep them updated. Some even sent along flowers and cards...and the pics are below! After two days of somewhat normalcy and not nearly as much pain, I'll be able to go back to work on Monday. It'll be a welcome routine again!

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive while I recovered....mostly Chris, Pooka, my Dad, Aunt Syl, Doni and the rest of my family and friends. Recovery is a really lonely place, and without them, I wouldn't have made it.

From my co-workers at the bank:

From my co-worker Bernie in Queens:

From my business partners in California:

It's Over!

From the Associated Press:

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court has rejected an appeal from Adelphia Communications founder John Rigas and his son, Timothy, of their fraud convictions. The justices' decision, announced without comment, brings to an end the Rigas' legal efforts to overturn convictions for their role in the collapse of Adelphia, once the fifth-largest cable television company. The elder Rigas, 83, is serving a 15-year prison term, while his son, the former chief financial officer, was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Take that you freakin' crooks! Whoooo hoooooooo! They're both going to rot in jail now, which is just what they deserve!

A shout out to any former Adelphia employee who got fucked over by these assholes, and a special shout out to Coudersport and the surrounding areas whose already declining local economy was severely impacted by this mess.

What goes around definitely comes around!

Peace out.

Live from New York....

How can you not love her? She's smart, poised, informed, and she's WAY funnier (and better!) than anything the Republicans have to offer. SNL has really stepped it up lately with their political commentary, and this is just one of the examples of their creativity over the past two weeks. They clearly hit the nail on the head when Tina Fey did her "Bitch is the New Black" news editorial, not to mention the spot on mockery of the CNN and MSNBC debates.

Like it or not, Hillary is the better Democratic candidate. I believe that Barack Obama is a good man, but I don't think he's better than Hillary. I think he stands a better chance of beating John McCain, too, but I still want Hillary as my president.

Let's keep our fingers crossed for Tuesday's primaries.