Popsicle Jokes!

Tuesday was 4 weeks since I went under the knife....and 4 weeks ago today was the last day of my painkiller-filled first week home. I hadn't had one popsicle by this time....but those things became my best friend shortly thereafter.

As I sat in my bed slowly dissolving the ice in my mouth, I tried to guess the punchline of all the jokes printed on the sticks. I wasn't so good at that.... I saved all the sticks though because the whole recovery has been such hell that I want to look back on as many of the positive highlights as I can....namely the 25 pounds I lost, and the fact that I no longer like salt, pop or chocolate....which are all the things that probably helped me keep those 25 pounds on so easily.

Here are all the cheesy jokes that kept me company and gave me ten seconds of distraction while I was in recovery hell. And yes, I know they are dumb, but imagine how desperate I was for distraction that I actually laughed at these....yeah, it was that bad.

What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A nightmare.

Who granted the monster's wish?
His scary godmother.

What animal should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.

What do you call a trunk full of bison?
A buffa-load.

What did the digital clock say to his mother?
Look ma, no hands!

Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.

What kind of ring did the rabbit buy his girlfriend?
14-carrot gold.

What did the dentist give the marching band?
A tuba toothpaste.

What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk, 99 clunk?
A centipede with a wooden leg.

What time is it when seven hungry lions are chasing you?
Seven after one.

How do you avoid ticks on your pets?
Don't let them wear a watch.

How can you spot a dogwood tree?
By its bark.